28-06-2004:Life With You & Without You Papa

 Whatgrowing up without a parent does to you and your decision making skills.?

I was 18 when my life torch bearer my father left me storming in this life alone.  While kids of my age that time were planning to go for higher education, better career opportunities my future was completely stumbled. All we were left concerned about was to ensure that  basic necessities of the family are fulfilled. With such a huge loss in life you just Don't Grow up Quick, You Have To Grow Up Quick.

As an adult, a fatherless daughter the journey was really rough. But as they say, life teaches you till your every breath, this rough journey gave me immense courage and strength to fight all the odds life had to offer. I Fought My Own Demons.
Figuring out things on your own, without any support and guidance is not an easy cake. From how to get a job to how to keep a job, what to do with money, and with time. You have to make your own decisions, right or wrong no matter. This Made Me Responsible For My Action. 

With all sorts of financial obstacles and not so supportive and kind relatives, life brings up challenges every day. And then, you gain the confidence to stand for yourself and your family. The first thing I experienced was the back stabbing by the so called relatives. Who turned down us the very moment, we as a Family were left broken and abandoned. Although I thank them today, for being so nasty and mean spirite, because that made me understand the value of Real People around me. Made me gain that strength not to expect anything rather accept everything, life was there to offer.
 With all sorts of financial crunch and hardship
the focus remained to have food on plates daily. And with all the sheer hard-work, struggles it bears all the beautiful things in life. We eventually had food every night to eat only to realise that ONE chair constantly remains empty. And as the time will pass life will give you moments to smile and memories to cherish, only to come across with a thought that, one corner of that room in the House will always remain vacant. 

It's been eighteen years now and the feeling of You not having around can still not be expressed. Thinking of how happy you would have been on my first job, on my achievements and accolades, to getting married. How you would have cherished being World's Best And Loving Dadu. Showering love to Avi

 Such small joys of my life usually bring tears to my eyes,  for you not having around me. 
Being protected by you for the initial 18 years, and the last 18 years without you. Life has  taught me a lot. With every decision I took,right or wrong, I got the wisdom to sail through the turbulence my life has to offer me. Sometime in the darkest of hours when life seems to be unfair, It reminds me of You. How patiently and calmly you would have dealt with the situation. Unlike me, who gets agitated and irate easily. Sometimes even loosing temper and self control.
 All I could sense is, that the way You stood as a strong support to me, You still hold my hand and guide me through thick and thins of life. I feel my  actions still make you feel Proud Of whatever I am today. That it is still brings that twinkling smile to your face. That wherever you are you still care and love me the way it used to be when you  held me in your arms for the first time.

Papa I will always be your Gudia; 
Surviving and learning without you.....
I miss you... And miss you a lot. Papa.....

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